Completely
by WaywardScribe
Summary: Cal POV. He's 13. "I'd always thought his patience was endless when it came to me – but had I pushed too far? Had I really broken everything this time?" Warning just for some language. My first ever fic!
1. Chapter 1

A/N - Ok so this is my very first fic ever, anywhere! I tried a bit of writing a few years ago for Supernatural but just hadn't got the confidence to post anything! Not entirely sure I do now either but hey, Cal and Niko are my newest HUGE obsession and I just couldn't resist it. I'll get a profile of me up soon too but for now, here's the first bit. I hope someone likes it! Please be kind and constructive if not. Warning for language - but hey, its Cal :) Oh, Cal is about 13 when this takes place.

All Characters are the property of the awesome Rob Thurman, just borrowing for a little angst and H/C.

-wswswswsws-

The glass bottle glanced off the side of my head, hard. Spinning off to the side where it smashed against the ground. It seemed as though time stopped for a few seconds, though there was still something about having a hard head which flashed across my mind. Any other normal person would probably have stayed where they were and gracefully passed out. But since when did normal and I have a good relationship?

All I felt was searing, burning, filthy rage bubbling inside me. And for maybe the first time – no, definitely the first time, it was partly directed at my brother, standing before me.

I just ran. I couldn't take it anymore. The bottle which Sofia had absently flung out the trailer towards my sorry (distracted and emotionally compromised) excuse for a body was the final straw. So I ran. Don't ask me how, but I was gone in a flash. Seconds before I'd been shouting (maybe there was some screaming too) at Niko in front of the trailer, for the whole world to see and hear. I couldn't take it anymore, the confinement, the trailer, the homework, school, Sofia, Grendels, the feeling of impending doom – hell, my life.

I don't think I meant to run, but then again, thinking wasn't really high on the list of priorities of my 13 year old brain, even before the bottle hit me. I'm pretty sure Niko was doing some shouting of his own now from behind me, but even that faded as I made it out of the park, making pretty good progress down the road to..somewhere. Somewhere was exactly right; I had zero idea where I was going, all I knew was the rage inside me, burning, pushing me faster and faster.

Sometime later, the fire in my lungs won out and I pulled up, grasping my knees in the desperate fight for oxygen. Why was my face so hot and wet? My hand came away with a mixture of what I vaguely knew must have been blood and tears. The world began to spin, and I'm talking serious, 360 degrees here. I somehow managed to balance myself as I managed to rake in just enough air through my ridiculously unfit lungs.

_Shit_. This was my first thought. Probably the first one I had had for a good 20 minutes. I had no idea where I was. I was wearing only my blue t-shirt, which used to be Niko's of course, light sweats and my old worn tennis shoes - and it must have been close to freezing. My second thought was, _Shit, No knife_. No, anything. No weapon of any kind (Niko would be so proud) Shit, _Niko_.. I guess he would be proud that somewhere in between thoughts 1 and 2 was the knife – but I'm pretty sure that wouldn't have made up for everything else.

Niko. A lead weight suddenly planted itself in my stomach. I'd run. I'd just run. From the trailer, from the situation, from the light, from safety – from my brother. Oh great, now I felt sick too. I stumbled a little way before bringing up the contents of dinner, several times and it brought me to my knees. The ground was cold and hard,_ where the hell was I anyway_? I finally took in my surroundings, I was by some old industrial place by the looks of it, rusted, silvery metal pipes and chimneys intertwined themselves in the darkness before me, glowing ominously in the soft moonlight.

I looked back at the path I'd taken, only to realise I'd busted through a chain link fence (which I don't remember at all) and now I was somewhere across an old bridge over a pretty deep looking ravine. I inched closer to the edge only to have my head swim again, partly from the head wound and partly from the distance to the small stream below. I wondered vaguely how I'd made it across the rusted narrow walkway that looked barely passable. Man, I felt awful, and that wasn't just physically.

The flaming hot rage that had filled me so completely only moments ago was all but gone. I was suddenly aware of the cold night air biting at my flesh and I shivered despite myself. I was alone. Alone in the darkness and silence. Completely alone. Vulnerable. _Hopefully_ alone..

But wasn't this what I wanted? What I had longed for only minutes ago? Silence. No abusive, alcoholic whore of a mother, no nagging, persistent and creepy-composed older brother. No homework, no cramped, stinking rotten trailer. No anything. Complete silence and complete freedom. Exactly what I wanted, wasn't it? Then why did it feel so horribly wrong that it brought me crashing back to my knees. Some of the awful words I had hurled at my brother were beginning to ring in my ears. Hurtful words flung carelessly from my demon tongue.

A flash of his pained face haunted my vision from that split second before the bottle struck and I had made my 'great escape'. The hurt and the pain in his eyes. What did I say? I can't remember. I just remember his eyes. Burning with pain and sorrow, as fierce as my consuming rage. I'd never spoken to Niko like that before. Never. I felt my stomach twist again like someone was wringing me out to dry.

Niko was my protector, my guardian from Sofia, hell, from the world. For all the shit in my life (I wasn't supposed to say shit) but with all the shit in my life, and in my head, he was the buffer. He took everything first – it passed through him, taking the 'sting' out of everything before he even let half the bad stuff get anywhere near me. He cushioned the blows. He softened my falls. And that was just all the mental stuff. There was no question, no doubt in my mind that he would keep me from anyone or anything that tried to hurt me. _If he was here he would_. My inside voice echoed at me, hollow in the desperate pit of my stomach.

I was totally exposed. Vulnerable. Niko would kill me. _If something didn't find me first, _I thought. I swiped again at the hot, teary mess that was now my face. The retching had now stopped and I resigned myself to dragging my sorry, worthless ass to its feet. How could I have been so stupid? How could I have been so cruel? Niko was everything. Everything else was just a still and empty excuse for a life without him. Not the happy, care-free existence my rage filled mind had conjured - the rainbow at the end of my escape.

As though I could merely _will_ my life to another path completely. If I wasn't on this _path_ then I wouldn't have Niko. God, now I was starting to sound like him. My stomach dropped to the floor again. Did I still have Niko? I'd always thought his patience was endless when it came to me – but had I pushed too far? Had I really broken everything this time? The look on my brothers' face hit me squarely along with a cold gust of wind and I felt like being sick again. Had I broken me and Niko..?

-wswswswsws-

A/N - Please review and let me know if you like it! (and please be kind if you don't!)


	2. Chapter 2

A/N - Hey all, hopefully this is now more readable as I have split my paragraphs and I think I'm getting the hang of this story posting lark! This is all still un-beta'd tho as I don't know one other person at the mo who is as addicted to Cal and Niko as me and my attempts to convert those living in RL have so far failed!

-wswswswsws-

Jesus it was cold. Unnaturally cold, even for Wisconsin in November. I'd managed to pull myself together enough to have at least grabbed a large stick from the undergrowth and I was now sitting with my back to the nearest tree, my legs pulled up to my chest. It was a laughable excuse for a weapon and was probably rotten through, but at least holding it helped me feel a little better.

I didn't recognise a thing. I had zero idea where I was and it was quickly dawning on me how royally screwed I really was. My brain also hurt and my eyes, hell, even my eyelashes hurt and to make things worse, everything was now pretty much constantly swirling in the nauseating bowl of my vision. I decided that propping myself up against the tree was at least something I had done right tonight, at least _something_ wasn't moving. I knew it was wrong, but I just wanted him here.

I knew I couldn't ask that - after what I'd said, what I'd done, but I couldn't help it. It was pansy-assed and completely contradicted pretty much all of my earlier ranting about how I could handle myself, which I was sure I had foolishly thrown into the screaming mix somewhere. I just wanted Niko to find me. Swoosh down like he always did when something was wrong with me, out of nowhere with his long golden hair.

_He should have a cape_ I thought to myself absently and surprisingly seriously before realising I was getting right off track. My head hurt. I just needed him here. To swoosh in out of the inky blackness with his golden hair and his twitch of a smile, reserved just for me.

I'd tell him how sorry I was. How I hadn't meant any of it, how much I needed him, how grateful and goddamn lucky I was. Luckier than anyone like me should ever be. Just to have him stay with me, let alone put up with my shit. Here I went again, dreaming up fantasies that were never going to happen. If Niko had ever had a reason just to leave my Grendel-ass out in the cold, it was now…and maybe that's how it should have been all along. Maybe I'd been kidding myself from the start. Maybe Sofia was right after all.

I decided then, that since it was so damn cold and I'd probably lost quite enough blood from my head wound by now, that passing out was totally justified. Maybe a little nap was overdue. Not like I hadn't driven away the only person in the entire sorry universe who gave a crap about me was it? And maybe this empty feeling in my chest where my heart was would go when I let the world slide away.

The world had already gone to hell anyway. Ok, so maybe that was a poor choice of words. Damn ground wouldn't even stop spinning. _My eyes are so tired. So tired and stingy. Stingy and tired_, I almost sang it in my head..and that warm feeling down the side of my head was starting to feel kinda nice now. The warmth of it had spread to the rest of me, but it was still pulling me down. So I let it take me. Swallowing me down to a fuzzy oblivion.

The last words I breathed hoarsely into the icy night air, like some slain dragon, "Niko, I'm so sorry" and then that last word, the one which would always be the last to pass my lips, now and for always. "Niko".

-wswswswswswsws-

It seemed I couldn't even get passing out right tonight. It felt like only seconds later (I have no idea at all how long it was) when my ears picked out a distant screech. Maybe it was a shout. I couldn't tell but it brought me painfully back to 'barely conscious' with a jolt that sent searing pain through my eye sockets. Grendel. Auphe. They'd found me.

Now that was a thought to bring anyone back to the land of the living, so to speak. Me, well, it usually also did other not so pleasant things to me that I really didn't want to go into. If I hadn't been screwed before, I was now. They'd found me, he'd found me. Not the side of the family I was hoping for.

The thought of dear-old-dad finding me in a crumpled heap at the bottom of a tree, wielding nothing but a rotten tree branch had what little pride I had left playing a part in the torturous journey to my feet. I might be an abomination, but I was not going to be an abomination taken out holding nothing but a stick. Niko would kill me. My thought processes had made it that far, my body had got me to my feet, but that was as far as either were going to take me. Who was I kidding? A stick and a concussion were my only weapons.

I staggered to the edge of the rickety bridge finding a desperate hand hold on the top rail. The noise had come from the darkness back across it. At least I'd see them coming I thought ruefully. Perhaps this was just deserts. Karma. Pretty darn quick karma, granted, but after the way I'd been to Niko..

Damn it, I had gone at least a whole 30 seconds without thinking about him, but impending death was no time to chastise myself. He would at least want me to go down fighting, I thought, testing my 'weapon' against the metal of the bridge. It held. Wow, a break. At least maybe I could get one decent swing in. Just thinking the word 'swing' turned out to be a bad idea though and the world that had settled briefly was now churning again, along with my aching, now empty, stomach. Great. Just great. My vision was greying out and even the darkness was blurring. He was here.

I sensed rather than saw the shadow approaching the bridge. I was vaguely aware I couldn't smell him. But, hey, I couldn't smell shit right now what with all my blood clogging up my face. He was moving pretty fast, that much I knew and it sent my heart-rate through the proverbial roof. The shadow halted at the end of the bridge, or at least I think it did.

"Cal? Cal, is that you?"

Ok, so clearly I really do lose it in the face of certain death, nice to know, 'cos now I was hearing Niko's voice coming from that dark shadowy form I was pretty certain was a Grendel. I froze. I tried not to breathe. Like somehow I could melt into the darkness and wouldn't be seen. Lame, I know.

"Cal?" There was his voice again, now it was closer and more fraught. _Forget this_ I thought, my legs giving way. If I was hearing Niko as a Grendel then I was done for anyway.

"CAL!" the scream pierced my addled brain, why was this Niko-Grendel now shouting at me? That was when I vaguely realised I'd chosen the worst place ever to pass out, right on the edge of the ravine, which I was now tumbling into.

I swear for a moment I was in free-fall. Or maybe that was just the concussion. Anyway. The floaty feeling was snatched away as a hand latched onto my arm nearly pulling it out of its socket. The pain barely registered, just something further for the list. Maybe dismemberment was a Grendel thing.

"Hold on Cal, just hold on! I've got you"

_Why did this Grendel sound so concerned_? My mind was really foggy and nothing was making much sense but I was pretty sure Grendels were not supposed to sound concerned about me. _Do you think it might _not_ be a Grendel? -_ Great. So now I had a debate team in my head too. _Doesn't smell like a Grendel._

I was hauled up onto the metal grill of the bridge to rest against something surprisingly warm and, well, soft.

"It's ok. I've got you Cal, I've got you"

Nope, I don't think it was a Grendel. Then it hit me. Like a wet fish to the face. The smell, worn leather, warm, worn leather and that comforting, fresh yet earthy smell that only belonged to one person in the entire world.

Niko. Could it really, actually be Niko? It couldn't be. Could it?

"Not'Grendel.." wow. I know - and yeah I'm pretty sure I said that out loud…I really sounded bad.

I tried again, managing to sound not a whole lot better, "Nik?"

"Yeah Cal, I'm here, it's gonna be ok, I've got you now, I'm here" His voice sounded kinda funny too and I suddenly realised he had dragged me up against him. That's what the warmth was.

"Nik, m'sorry" I rasped. God I sounded pathetic.

"It's ok Cal, don't speak"

It really was Nik. He was here. I didn't deserve this - but he was here and I wasn't looking that gift horse in the mouth anytime soon. Not ever again. But of course I still ignored him and asked,

"Nik, 'how'd find 'e?" I whispered, only to be gently shushed like the kid brother I was.

"We have to get you somewhere warm, fast" Nik told me as I flinched away from his hand almost before it had even reached my head "and we have to see to this" he mused, more to himself than me. Which was lucky as that was the last thing I heard before than old friend of mine, oblivion, came to claim me again.


	3. Chapter 3

"Please Cal, stay awake" the voice was foggy and distant and drifted in and out, or maybe I was the one drifting in and out. I had the strangest sensation of being jostled around, but as quickly as it had come it was gone again. It was the weirdest feeling. I think it was some time later when I realised everything around me had changed and I was somewhere else entirely, somewhere indoors.

"..Niko, he shouldn't be left alone, I really don't like this at all.."

"Please Dr Marco, we really can't..and believe me, I'm not going to leave him alone"

"He should be in the hospital Niko.."

"He'll be ok Dr Marco, I'll take care of him"

There was a long pause.

"..he'll need to be woken and checked every 2 hours, just in case. I've done what I can for the cut, but Niko, your mother.."

"honestly Dr Marco.."

"If he gets any worse.."

"I know" Niko's voice suddenly sounded small and even further away.

"thanks for all your help, we really do appreciate it, Cal and I"

There was a reluctant and distant, "take care of each other Niko"

Then there was a shuffling off to the side and the familiar clunk of our trailer door. I started to drift off again but there was suddenly a warmth at my side. I must have grumbled something incoherently, I'm not really sure. I wasn't very coherent. Man, that was a big word.

"Cal?" his voice was so soft I think if there had been anyone else around they wouldn't have heard it. But I did. I felt a gentle hand against my jaw, barely a touch.

"Cal? I'm sorry, you have to stay awake for a bit now, Dr Marcos says I shouldn't have let you even close your eyes because of your head." I couldn't take that. He sounded so, so, unlike my brother. He sounded guilty, worried and guilty. _Why was Niko sounding guilty? _Before I could make my body, or even my mouth move he continued,

"I'm so sorry Cal" _damn it, why was he sorry? He had nothing to be sorry for. Damn my body and damn my brain, I couldn't move, or speak._

"I tried to come after you, but Sofia.." he took a deep breath "after she threw that goddamn bottle" my brother swore. My brother never swears.

"I just, I tried, but she grabbed me and held me back, she held me back so tight and I didn't want to..and" I felt his body slump a little in such a Niko-way, "and then it was too late, I couldn't catch you, I saw you go out the lot and I shouted, but then" he paused, his voice oddly rough, "then I lost you".

Ok, that was goddamn it. It took every single ounce of strength I had left but there was no goddamn way my big brother was making this _his_ failure. I peeled open one of my eyes first and I think I made some kind of grunting noise, which got Niko's attention.

"Nik?" At least I still had a voice, even if it sounded like my throat was sandpaper. I had to try.

"'m the one Nik, 'm the one who's sorry" I felt those gray eyes of his peering down at me sadly.

"it's ok Cal"

"m's not ok Nik! 'm so sorry, didn't mean..didn't mean any.."

"it's ok Cal, honestly" I met his gaze then, as the lightest of touches returned to the uninjured side of my head, my eyes were barely open but it was enough. We didn't need words. Words got us into more trouble than they were worth. We just looked at each other for a long while. I tried to tell him everything in that look, how sorry I was, how I hadn't meant all those awful things I'd said. I needed him to know. I needed to know..._I needed to know I hadn't broken us_.

"you never will Cal, you never could" he whispered down at me as he caught a stray whisp of my hair. I swear my brother was an actual superhero at the best of times, but sometimes he was just plain spooky. I wasn't one to give up easily though, my big brother taught me that.

"..but"

"no 'buts' Cal, I understand and its ok" Then he gave me that rarely seen little smile. My smile. Just for me.

"..but"

"sssshhsssh" he caught my gaze again.

"You will never drive me away Cal. You couldn't no matter how hard you tried" The warmth of his hand against my head was comforting, too damn comforting.. "and I will always come for you. I will always find you"

"Hey, hey, stay with me little brother" he raised his voice again, realising I was drifting.

"'lways, Nik?" I breathed, dragging myself back from the edge, for him. I know it sounded pathetic, but I didn't care.

"Always, little brother, always"

"sorry I ran" I mumbled "so sorry" I felt the mattress sag as my brothers weight settled to lie alongside me and I let the warmth of my safe and wonderful big brother soak into me.

"Nik, I.."

"I Know Cal, me too"

That time I could feel the smile, rather than see it. Somehow everything was ok again. He always made it ok. I had Niko. I hadn't lost him. It was everything. Everything that mattered, and it calmed me, completely.

The End

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A/N I know its probably far too fluffy but I hope someone likes it :) WS


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